Billy has set up a “Surreal Lyrics” contest. You come up with the most off the wall lyrics and get them to him (billy at customserenade.com). A panel of big-name judges will select the cream of the surreal crop and Billy and I will set them to music. Full deets on billy’s surreal blog.

This city is amazingly easy to navigate; I’ve been in Manhattan since Sunday and I feel comfortable. It’s a comfortable city. It’s warm and secure like that hoody I bought seconds out of the subway in Chinatown. There’s a lot I enjoy about it apart from Carrboro, but there’s also a lot of good similarities. The walking for instance. I think the car-for-ever-person mentality of America is great for the oil and auto industry, but is killing the environment. I’ve considered moving here — this trip was a bit of a trial run to see if it is any sort of future possibility. I’ve had a good time, but I’m not ready to pack my bags yet. The worlds a big place, but not so big that I wouldn’t see a life drawing student. Everywhere I go: Someone has seen me naked.

This 3D model is simply spectacular in its true-to-form realism. (SFW)

From Guy:

Carmen Electra: “I want to look like THAT.”

plastic surgeon: “That is a neomodern white cylindrical coffee table.”

Carmen Electra: “Yes. That!”

plastic surgeon: “Well, if I had scruples I’d be a volunteer in Africa or something. What the hell.”

After many contemplative puffs on his trademark ivory pipe, the distinct smell of Squire Humbolt Fartington’s aged Persian tobacco permeated through the study. A knowing twinkle in his eye glimmers mischievously. With a deft hand the Squire extricates the yellowed stalk from his impossibly waxed moustache and announces with grand authority, “I have it!” The room stills. “You are a clever snark, there is no doubt, but not clever enough! For you see I am familiar with the ways of the local mendicants and have deduced the reason for the existence of the emptied Ole’ English Forty-Score fine malted beverage we found in your paper bin. You were at the Cat’s Cradle! You were the one sucking the very vitality from Sir David Schwenkington’s motorized carriage! It was you all along… But who, you may ask, was manning the deployment helm at your place of employ? Why, the very hobo you had wished to accuse! Yes, very clever, mister Risk. Train a downtrodden lover-of-the-spirits in your craft so that you may be about causing havoc! The irony is that you have unwittingly moulded a suitable replacment. I am sure this will give you much to ponder as you are processed by the local constabulary. Good day!”

Already typecast as “that red dude with the goatee.”

Also: A clock-maker is known for his unique oval pocket watches. At a trade convention another clock-maker approaches and asks, “hey man, why the long face?”

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