Zero Fog Blaster

This unique retro style blaster uses special effects fluid to blast fog rings at your enemies…

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that is simply too diabolical for words. but just when your enemies think it’s safe to go out again, BAM, a current of air from the airzooka. then they hide for a while longer but get hungry and try to venture out again, but that’s when we hit them with the marshmallows! “The Marshmallow Blaster can fire any brand of regular sized marshmallows, sold separately. Try our Gourmet Marshmallows – each bag is 4.4 oz of the tastiest rounds available.” i’ve got to hand it to those guys for selling “Marshmallow Ammo” for $1.89! you can’t beat that deal anywhere! unless you’re the lucky sort with a grocery store locally.

i mean, this is truly harnessing the powers of the universe. air, water, marshmallows, and flying plastic ninjas are the four basic elements that all matter is made from. imagine what havoc you can wreak with command over all of them. i shudder to think. i could use some clarification on the differences between the marshmallow blaster and the marshmallow shooter, but that’s a small matter. (i believe one of them may also have the capability to shoot small, non-edible foam pellets. can an expert chime in here?)

to think that any idiot with a credit card has access to such unmitigated power. shudder, shudder, shudder. sleep will not come easy tonight!

[I love the background drone in the original video of that of John Kerry who despite the wild yelps of the kid being sudbued can still carry on in his trademark drone...very impressively consistent]

NO I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME…BORING

…ok, smelling salts for the tasered kid…and now smelling salts for john kerry, who fell asleep in the middle