These animals all have an uncanny grasp of Sun Tzu’s (and to a lesser degree, Colin Powell’s) principles. Overwhelm the enemy, exploit the weakness, use numbers, win the battle before it begins… If any of these creatures, with the possible exception of the croc, had run in 2004 I would have voted for them over W. By the way, that calf was alive after six minutes of being eaten by lions? How does that work? Don’t worry, it’s all over now, honey. You’re safe now…you’re not being eaten by lions for six minutes in a row anymore. Forget it and move on.

Kind of makes me want to save up enough to put a nature preserve in my front yard. (I would provide free access to fellow PETA members, naturally.)