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  1. apple’s stock has nice tits.

    (elbowing bri-man in the shoulder in show of macho camaraderie)

    hot dogs. get your $6K hot dogs. hurry while they’re still $6K. tomorrow $2K. get em now.

    halloween is coming up and as i think guys are supposed to dress as phallic symbols, how about a $6K hot dog? (maybe a bling-wearing hot dog?)

    this also reminds me of the words of the great treasury secretary henry paulson, who is now asking for about a trillion taxpayer dollars. (don’t worry, the government can always print more. just ask zimbabwe.) last time he asked for money he said that if you have a squirt gun in your pocket you may have to use it so keep a bazooka in your pocket and you may not have to take it out.

    so, other acceptable halloween costumes this year would include bazookas and squirt guns, though i think no one would earn respect quite like a pimped out giant hot dog.

    henry paulson really is entertaining. he asked for a trillion bucks, but only on the condition that he be able to do whatever he wants to with it without oversight or consequences.

    “i’ll allow you to give me $20 million dollars, a helicopter, and a passport, but only if i keep the hostages. that’s the deal. take or leave, buddy.”

    watching mega banks collapse is kind of like staying through a hurricane on the coast. a real rush until your house falls into the ocean.

    so this is point break. patrick swayze has just finished robbing a bunch of banks with a nixon mask on and now he’s committing suicide by surfing too big a wave. (that’s my memory of it based on previews and catching the last five minutes on cable. it was like a guy version of thelma and louise, right?)

    also, patrick swayze rides the wave dressed as a giant iced up g-pimping hot dog with gold medallion and flavor flav clock. actually that may have been a dream i had. according to the dream interpretation book i have, it means i’m secretly a suicidal surfer-wigger-homosexual . shuddup, i could do worse. i think it may be right. i do have this squirt gun and bazooka in my pockets. goddamit.

    but i carry them only for emergencies — giant government wall street bailouts and stuff like that. nothing kinky.

    i’ve gone off the macho track. son of a

    hey brian, remember the heath ledger – michelle williams thing? one irony is that larry williams said he’s known six traders who have killed themselves. so michelle is all, what a sucky career. i’m totally going to do dawson’s creek instead and hang out with level-headed people like drug-addicted actors who immerse themselves in the roles of gloomy sadistic supervillians.

    and one final thought (ptl). i think research shows that people hate losing money more than they enjoy making it. perhaps that explains the other study that showed that the bangladeshis are the world’s happiest people.

    of course, all my research has shown that research is usually full of shit (my research being the rare exception).

    the voicemail says i have ten seconds left so i’ll wra

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