Maybe the best sandwiches I have ever made

It was amazing. I was in the zone. What zone? The flavor-zone! I came home for lunch because I forgot to take my experimental hearing pills, so I figured that I may as well save some change and make my lunch. Here’s how it went down:

  • I put some bacon in the microwave
  • I put bread, meat (turkey or ham) and provolone on bread slices then put them open-faced in the oven to toast.
  • I sauteed some onions using vegetable oil and some of the freshly extracted bacon grease. (so healthy)
  • After toasting I put on some mixed greens, tomatoes, mayo and dijon mustard (the kind with the huge seeds).

It was like the broodwich.

About the pills: Not only have they been shown to counteract the free radicals that cause nerve damage in your ears, they have the peripheral benefit of curbing those late-night cocaine cravings. (Wikipedia)

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  1. Brood is actually the Dutch word for bread and it also means “sandwich”. If you ever travel in the NL’s, you’ll see signs everywhere with the word “broodje” on them– a broodje is a little sandwich. Just a little more irrelevant Dutch trivia.

    Oh, and about the whole hand freed from a cast question. The first thing Robert did when his cast was removed was to masturbate in the bathtub. Of course, your question may be less literal, but I suppose masturbation is always an option.

  2. In other words, congratulations, you’re free, now go fuck yourself.

    Um, look pal, but no sandwich is complete without avocadoes. OK, it’s not you, it’s me. Hello, my name is guy who keeps changing…whatever…and I have an avocado problem. Seriously, I put avocadoes in everything and I have yet to find a single thing they don’t improve. Ditto for cocaine, really. But avocadoes are cheaper. Specially if I move to California. Yes…now it is all coming together. If I can just find a cheap house in LA, then all my avocado problems will be solved. This is such an elegant plan. I’m so smart.

    Also, I feel an ultimate sandwich should have bleu cheese dressing, crumbled bleu cheese, buffalo wing sauce, anchovies, avocadoes, prosciutto, salsa, German pumpernickel, lobster dip, and/or avocadoes, and/or guacamole, and/or avocadoes. Preferrably served with avocadoes on the side. Yes, I pimp my avocadoes. But it’s a win-win. Believe me, man, you will not be disappointed by my fine, young, supple, sexy avocadoes. You will like! Me so hungry! Ow ow, me so hungry.

    And/or cocaine.

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