This comes on my iPod every once in a while and I always listen to it all the way through. It’s done in synthesized voices; it never fails to crack me up. I’ll upload all the interludes some day, but until then, here is a transcript:

“I’ve been waiting for you Obi Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.”

“Only a master of evil, Darth.”

“Your powers are weak, old man.”

“You can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. My luck hasn’t been all that good lately so I think I may just give up on the big Death Star and Dark Side and evil-conquer-the-galaxy thing. Ha ha ha ha ha. I’m kidding. You bought it. Obi Wan is a sucker. Obi Wan is less intelligent than a small child.”

“There is something that you might like to know, Darth. Your mother was a hooker, and not an entirely good one at that.”

“Okay, that was over the line. I hate you.”

“And your father was a giggilo, although admittedly not an altogether bad one. He wasn’t wealthy, but he certainly made enough to get by.”

“Leave me alone. Who invited you here anyway? I was told that people with British accents were supposed to be polite.”

“Who told you that? Your mother, the hooker.”

“Leave. Leave now.”

“Very well. Your dignity seems sufficiently crushed and now about as harmless as your mother, the hooker.”

“I hope the door hits you on your way out.”


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