Weekend Viewing

I’m late on the bandwagon for this, but maybe you’re more behind than I am.

R. Kelly. Trapped in the Closet. A 30 minute R&B epic of unintended hilarity. If you can manage it, this is best watched with a viewing partner as there will be a rapid exchange of you’refuckingkiddingme looks.

  1. Episode 1
  2. Episode 2
  3. Episode 3
  4. Episode 4
  5. Episode 5
  6. Episode 6
  7. Episode 7
  8. Episode 8
  9. Episode 8
  10. Episode 10
  11. Episode 11
  12. Episode 12

Join the Conversation


  1. OK, he’s got a Beretta and the guy is opening the closet.

    Can someone fill me in on episodes 2 through 12?

    (I might watch them if I could turn down the sound and get the closed captioning.)

    I appreciate those who strive for the visionary. Unfortunately, I also appreciate those who are able to filter good visions from crappy ones.

    By the way, which episode is the one where the “shit” that is “gonna go down” is him going to prison for child molestation? Actually, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

    And is Episode 12 him coming out of the closet, both literally and metaphorically? If not, Trapped in the Closet probably does a pretty good job of the metaphorical part. And I don’t mean gay in the classy Ellen DeGeneres, Ian McKellen sense but the crude, preadolescent taunt sense.

    “Dude, that is gay!”

    Dude, you should have gone out the window when you had the chance. Yes, I know we are on the fifth floor. Why the hell do you think I suggested it?

    “R.”, at least your career is liberated from the closet and freefalling out the fifth floor window.

    “M”, as a fellow single-letter-name person, I suppose you might be tempted to show some empathy. I urge you to resist that temptation.

  2. I remember the first time I sat and watched “Trapped in the Closet”. It was the same morning my friend Jason’s dad found the waffle iron. I walked in and was accosted by a bearded man holding a plate laden with gridlocked bisquik. The entire dining room table was buried in waffles.

    Jason steered me to the couch and stood next to the TV, groping for the proper introduction. Finally he admitted that he had no words.

    “Brace yourself.”

    And so we sat slackjawed and saucer eyed, watching Mr. Kelly scrabble desperately for his career.

    My favorite parts were when he’d try to jam in a line that didn’t quite fit so he’d have to warble to break up the meter…ie “Quickly I tried to put my cellphone on viiiiiiiibraaaaaaaaate.”

    When I heard that R. was touring again, I wondered if he’d act it out on stage, like a little operetta. Gosh I hope he did.

  3. Thanks for your concern, Guy, but fret not: I have zero empathy for R – even if I do have a one letter name (and a Baretta).

  4. i recommend the commentary, as well. just in case you thought it was funny on purpose. and r manages to define the word “cliffhanger” in a masterful way, plus bonus points for describing what is happening as it is happening on the screen, it’s like cliff notes.

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