Iron Man 2: So Many Questions

Oh my god I am baffled like in every way about this movie. The details defy reality How did a car crash right into Micky Rourke when he was wearing barely any armor and he didn’t even move? All those flames didn’t even tousle his stringy hair. How is his laser whip splitting cars in half but it’s not doing the same to a metal iron man costume? Hey, how the fuck did Micky Rourke even make one of those generators? In the first movie they made a huge deal about how super rare palladium is and now this Russian alcoholic with ridiculously hubcap-like fingernails can get his hands on it? How does changing your Iron Man battery suddenly suck out all of the toxicity in your blood? What the fuck was the whole discovering the new atom sequence? Why are “tousle” and “tussle” not the same word? Or, if it makes sense that they’re different words, then why aren’t they more different? Was the world in the model made by the guy from Mad Men like a scale model of the world and that’s how it had all of the data about roads and shit on it that Robert Downey Jr. could work through like some fucking puzzle? Hey, guy from Mad Men, just put dots on the globe where the protons go. Yeah. It’s a fucking train model. No one will notice those dots. And didn’t S.H.I.E.L.D. take Tony Stark to some remote island? How did he drive off of it? Why was that very train model still in Tony Stark’s office? How the fuck does that make any sense? Why did that desk toy start floating in front of Robert Downey Jr.’s face and hover in front of the movie screen? Why didn’t Jon Favreau just cast himself as Iron Man if he wanted so much screen time? Was the climax of the movie really “crossing the streams”? Seriously? Why was for the second half of the movie everyone talking in slow motion? Oh, god, here’s one for you: You spend ridiculous amounts of time, money and resources to make a near impenetrable suit of armor for yourself but then you spend half of the fucking movie with your FUCKING FACE MASK UP??? Oh Jesus Christ I don’t care that there are famous actors in there! Please just put your fucking face mask down you’re making me nervous. So we sit through the r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s-l-y long credits to see the teaser at the end and, spoiler but not really, they show us a hammer stuck in the ground. Yeah. That was worth it. Yes, I know it was Thor. I know. But does anyone outside of the 1970’s give a shit about Thor? Does anyone else have the feeling that this Avengers movie that they’ve been building up forever is going to be the most ridiculously bad thing viewable on a screen?

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