Not a big deal

I saw the Rev. Jesse Jackson talking bout Michael Richards on the tv yesterday, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I’m sure it was along the lines of, “this really isn’t that big of a deal.”

Quiet + Beautiful = Mysterious.
Quiet + Unattractive = Creepy.

Last night I saw some people talking with Kevin at the door. Or rather, I saw Kevin talking to them and the expressions on their faces getting progressively more unhappy. The girl, in fact, looked on the verge of suicide. I think if she had had a knife, she would have gone off Elliott-Smith-style. They leave in a shuffle and I go over to ask. “God told us to tell you that he loves you,” they had said to Kevin to which Kevin responded with a five minute monologue on his non-belief. By the looks of it he may have converted them.

Join the Conversation


  1. GOD: Man, did you see their faces? That was awesome.

    JESUS: Do another one!

    GOD: All right, all right, chill out. Dude, shhhh… Hello, Joan? This is God. Can you do me a favor?

  2. Starting off any sentence with the phrase “God told me” seems to indicate “This will end awkwardly”. Usually the people that say it, though their intentions are gold, don’t have an argument prepared for any counter they might face. Also, even prophets never said “God told me” they just said “God says”.

    I can certainly see why they might be moved to say that to Kevin. That dude always looks like he could use a hug.

  3. So true, Ashley. Kevin does need a hug. I guess I’m a little irked that he looked like he needed saving more than I did.

  4. Earlier, when my hair was a little longer and more unruly than it is today, I would routinely be greeted as Jesus. Oddly enough, people never had any deep, meaningful, probing questions to ask. It was more like, “Hey Jesus, what’s up?”

    Now that I think about it, I had a friend in college who said I reminded her of Jesus. And back then my hair was pretty short.

    If anyone is qualified to resolve all this once and for all, it’s me. And I say, definitively, with no doubt whatsoever in my mind, once and for all…there is more than one way to look at it.

    God told me so.

    (I told the Guy to lay off the holy spirits, but he likes to kick back as much as the next guy. According to the DSM IV, it’s not really schizophrenia MPD if it’s like a spiritual trinity thing.)

  5. I talked to God again.

    me: God, do you exist?

    God: No.

    me: If you don’t exist, then why did you answer?

    God: Dammit.

    [Brian could illustrate this one. Bri – you know what I mean.]

    God: And I thought I told you never to call me here!

  6. Hey, does an orthodox Jewish keyboard have the O key missing?

  7. me: God, with all due respect, I was asking the blog commenters.

  8. B- You know, if you wanted saving, you could’ve just asked. Maybe those girls were going to talk to you next but Kevin crushed their spirits.

    M- If we were to hug him, I feel like it should be a processional of people…hug after hug after hug. How long do you think it would be before the metal festering in his blood would rise up and cause a ruckus?

    Nah, I’m kidding. I don’t know Kevin at all. Though if he single handedly drove a group of teenaged Christians to the point of tears, he could probably use some of the warmer, fuzzier things in life…like gingerbread men…and puppies.

  9. I think a hug (or twelve) would be met with rag-doll style non-resistance, actually. Do it! Do it, Ashley, I beseech you!

  10. That’s actually a pretty good guess, M. A staffer tried to get Kevin to put on a hip-hop t-shirt left behind after a show. Kevin didn’t want to so this guy just started putting it on Kevin himself. K-train just stood there with almost Gandhi-like passive-resistance while this other guy struggled to get the shirt over Kevin’s uncooperative frame.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *